3 years

Three years ago today I was anxious and excited to get laced up in my wedding dress, and make a lifetime promise to my very best friend. The emotions I felt that day came rushing back to me this morning and I'm so glad that I can call upon them so easily. I'm so grateful for what the day became, and thankful for the love and support everyone so graciously showed us.

As a little girl you dream of the dress, the flowers, and the bling, but as a woman I just dreamed of him. The man that loved ever inch of me. Every flaw. Every day. The man that makes me a better person. A better woman, a better wife, and now a better parent.

This journey we are on is incredible. Even in the midst of every day normalcy, he's mine, and I am his, and at the end of the day that's all that matters.

Happy Anniversary Jason. I love you with my whole heart.

 

 

small reminders

Sometimes when I find myself in the middle of a pretty normal week.. bouncing within the structured work day, surrounded by the same people, laughing at something Ryleigh did, devouring the delicious dinner Jason made me, or snuggling into our bed... I have to stop and remember just how truly blessed I am.

Normal is good. Normal is my happy place.

I've talked about Cold Tangerines, by my fav Shauna Niequist before, and will always recommend it to everyone. I came across this today and it really spoke to me and what I'm feeling right now.

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.”  

where did the summer go?

The summer absolutely flew. From June to the present there was a whole lotta wedding showering, baby showering, working, wedding attending X 5, bachelorette party dancing, cottage going, lake Michigan-ing, pooling, Mission-tripping, and most recently lots of birthday celebrating and of course Go Blue-ing:)

I  love September for so many reasons. First, and most importantly both of the loves of my life were born in this great month. Second, I love everything fall. Leaves changing color, Michigan football, hot apple cider, pumpkins, honeycrisp apples, boots, sweaters, campfires, and the cool air that hits my cheeks when I'm out for a run.

Our Ryleigh bug turned 2 a week ago! I have a 2 year old. Even saying that out loud seems crazy to me. She's so fun, and silly, and smart, and sassy, and  I could just eat her up! She is talking more and more everyday and loves to sing to us. There is a lot of laughter in our house in large part to her curious nature and very bossy spirit. We're taking the good with the bad on the terrible two front. We've moved on from biting (thank goodness) but now she's pinching and hitting when she gets frustrated. Consistency has been key with the discipline and we're confident and hopeful that she'll move on from this phase soon. She's pretty lean and tall just like her daddy. 96th percentile for height so we could have a volleyball player in our future. She loves itsy-bitsy spider, Bubble Guppies, yogurt covered raisins, and doing anything and everything outdoors. I think my most favorite thing she does right now is praying with us before she goes to bed. Jason started praying with her months ago and she almost has the whole darn thing memorized. It's pretty adorable.

From one love to another, yesterday was Jason's birthday! I helped him ease in to 32 with a Glen Rice basketball jersey. I'm pretty sure he liked it:) Another year down, and only more exciting things on the horizon. I'm so blessed to have such an amazing partner in life.

October will bring with it some more small adventures...to be continued!

finding the right fit

When I wake up in the morning and see Jason laying beside me, I'm grateful for him, for our marriage, and the peace and calm I feel. When I see Ryleigh my heart is full. She is the best thing I've ever done, and I'm completely in love with her and the little person she is growing into. These two are my first loves, the best jobs I have...being a wife, and a mommy.

I'm thankful. So thankful.

The third job I have is also something that I love, and I'm so happy that I've been blessed with the opportunity to work for such a great company. I work for Choice Schools Associates and MiChoice, a school management company that works at the pleasure of each of our Academy Board of Directors to implement the ultimate goals of the Board. Our goal is to help each student reach their true educational potential.

I work in Human Resources as an Employee Relations Specialist. My job is to ensure that each school is in compliance with state and federal law, that I'm a resource for each employee for any need that might have, and I am supporting the Board Liaison, HR Generalist, and Chief Personnel Officer in all Human Resources duties and projects for our schools. Jack of all trades am I, and with the growth of our company so is the growth of responsibility. I absolutely love it. I love the challenge, I love the constant growth, and most of all the people. We have a wonderful team of people willing to give it their all to succeed in every professional and educational way possible.

Having three jobs sure is busy, but so very worth it!

what would it look like?

 

Simple yet powerful. I love this for so many reasons. We're all guilty of judging when we shouldn't judge. Instead of seeking to love and understand one side of a many sided story we stereotype, assume, jump to conclusions we're comfortable with, and often times run. We let so called rules, politics, and society govern what we think instead of thinking for ourselves.

What would our world look like if we just loved our neighbors like ourselves? If we didn't judge, and listened with an open heart? If we stood up for those who can't stand up for themselves? If we ventured to see every part of the story instead of just seeing what we want to see, and hearing what we want to hear? If we saw things from a different point of view? If we were real and let the mess of life be beautiful because that's what it is....

What would it look like if we didn't hate what we don't understand?

 

 

 

 

peggy

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts... and today I am praying this promise more than ever. For myself, and for the grieving family and friends of Peggy Pittman.

Miss Peggy was one of Ryleigh's caregivers at our first daycare. Sweet, patient, kind, quiet, and so wonderful with all of the children. When I made the decision to go back to work, it was hard, but my anxiety was calmed when I knew I was leaving Ryleigh with Peggy. She took to Ryleigh and vice versa. She was with our little bug every day for the first year of her life and we are so blessed by this. The trust that was formed will forever be something I'm so grateful for. The love I have for this woman is so very special and I will never forget her and how she was a true sign of Gods love for everyone around her. Her life was cut short because she was trying to help someone else, and that speaks so loudly to the person she was.

My heart just breaks for her family. She leaves behind an adoring husband, two beautiful daughters, and an adorable grandson. I pray that in this difficult time, they have the comfort of knowing that she is in a place where there is no pain, no suffering. A place where she can wait for them, and a place that I am sure she is happy to be. As hard as that is to hear when all we want to do is have the person here with us selfishly, I feel that it should also be a comfort. I hope in time it will be.

As chance would have it... I ran into her at the grocery store a couple of days ago. She gave me a big hug, and the first thing she asked me about was Ryleigh. She had a huge smile on her face as I was giving her some updates, and we both agreed that we should get together soon. I was able to meet her daughter Amanda, she was very sweet, and had a kind smile just like her mother. I wished them well and went on my way...I never would have thought that would be the last time I'd see her.

When something so unexpected happens a fresh perspective is unveiled. Life is short. The unimaginable can happen, and I don't want to take anything for granted. Hug your loved ones tight, and tell them you love them. Forgive and let go. Move forward and be grateful for each sunrise and sunset. Count every single blessing, and never let yourself get comfortable.

Peggy was a true angel here on earth, and I pray that she is with her creator and smiling because of it.

ryleigh the roller coaster

Twenty months is a roller coaster. Ryleigh is up and down by the minute and we're just along for the ride. She's adorable even when she's pouting during a time out. She's stubborn, persistent, and knows what she wants when she wants it, and wants it now. I don't think we'll ever be able to accommodate her demands fast enough, but I'm glad she keeps us on our toes.

She's growing tall, and her vocabulary is insane. We just stare at her in amazement at all of the things she's saying and how she's beginning to put all of the words together in order to tell us what she wants, or what she's doing, wants to do, or did. Some of our favorites are:

"I did it mamadaddy" (She often puts us together as if we're one word)
"Milk, please, have it" (She really emphasizes the "have it" and uses this with just about everything else she says, it's pretty funny)
"Daddy/Mama are you?" (She asks this as she is looking right at us and when we respond she belly laughs, it's the cutest!)

She is a little sponge and repeating EVERYTHING. So we have to be very intentional about what we're saying, careful about some of the things we say, and listen more intently when she's trying to say something new. Jason seems to speak Ryleigh better than I do:)

She's busy. Very busy. Always running, always dancing, and always wants to go outside and "fwing" She is transitioning to the older toddler room at daycare and we're thrilled because it has seemed to really help with her biting episodes. Yes, our child was "the biter" in the classroom. The teachers expressed their concern that she was getting bored too easily and needed new/more stimulation so with the transition in full effect we're hoping that she takes to the new teachers and kids and we can put the biting behind us.

Things she used to love have become less than desirable. She used to love bath time, not right now. She used to love certain foods, and now she throws a fit if what I put down in front of her is not what she is asking for. (Sorry, Ry, I'm not feeding you ice cream for breakfast!) So sometimes we just have to try, try again until she'll eat something we deem worthy. So one night it was oatmeal with raisins for the main course, followed by a brat with ketchup for dessert. Yum.

Some new things we've done recently are a visit to the John Ball Zoo, dingy rides in South Haven, bike rides, and watercolor painting (which inevitably led to face painting thanks to Daddy) 

We're excited to see what else the summer will bring!

Mother's Day 2013

This mother's day was a great one. We spent time with our moms. We were able to tell them how much we love and appreciate them...how special they are to us, how special they are to Ryleigh, and how we are who we are today because of them.

Jason helped Ryleigh pick out the perfect gift for me. A brand new bike with a helmet to match. I am so excited! It's perfect and I know we'll have so much fun as a family this summer because of this gift. Thank you my loves, from the bottom of my heart.

I also had the weekend to reflect on my role as a mom. I've learned so much about myself in the past year and I believe Ryleigh has made all the difference. When I become impatient I think of her and what she thinks when she watches my reaction to things. Even when I fail, I know she still loves me. I try to respond to things differently...thinking before I speak, breathing before I explode. Everything in her best interest is priority, period. I'm more emotional, but in a different way. I cry more when I'm happy these days. When she does something new like count to 10, or the first time I heard her say "I love you mama." My heart is so happy when I see her with all of her grandparents and how they all light up when they are around her and vice versa. Watching her and Jason makes me melt over and over again. She's a daddy's girl through and through. I'm so proud of this little girl that God has blessed us with and so excited for everything to come...the good, the better, the bad, and even the ugly.

Being a mom is spectacular, and hard...beautiful and incredibly worth it.

I learned from the best. Thank you Mom, for always being there through it all. For still being here, and for being my very best friend. I love you.

5K

On December 28, 2012 I made the decision to start running. It was probably around 20 degrees, but I got off the couch and got out there. I didn't like it, but I did it...and then I did it again, and again. I never paid attention to my time. My first goal was to run as far as I could without stopping to walk. (Little victories people...little victories.) My runs got longer and I stopped breathing as hard. Go me!

Fast forward to May 11, 2013, the day of the Fifth Third Riverbank Run...my very first 5K race. I was so excited, so nervous, so anxious and at the end of it so very very proud of myself. I ran the whole thing without stopping to walk. Big victory people, very big victory. Jason, my amazing and encouraging husband, never left my side. He was rooting for me the entire way (even when I told him to shush the few times I did b/c I just needed to focus on my pace, sorry babe!)

We sprinted the last 100 feet or so and crossed the finish line hand in hand. I was so happy, and so glad to have experienced this with him.

I have the itch. I want to do another one this summer so I'm on the hunt ....and next year it's 10K time. I know I can do it, I know I can.

earthquake cake

Before I decided to go dairy free for the month of April, I found and made this pinterest find.
I love chocolate. This recipe is an explosion of just that. So if you need a fun, quick recipe this one is for you.

I made a couple of changes that I'm sure everyone would be a-ok with. Dark chocolate is the best. Hands down. The original recipe called for German Chocolate cake mix....that just wasn't going to do it for me. I bought dark chocolate cake mix. The recipe also called for semi-sweet chocolate chips...I bought dark chocolate. YUM.

Before and After

 

Earthquake Cake (Courtney's way)

 

 1 cup coconut
1 cup chopped nuts
1 box dark chocolate cake mix
1 8oz package cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter (1 stick) softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar
3/4 cup dark chocolate chips

Grease a 9-by-13-inch pan. Sprinkle nuts and coconut on bottom of pan.

 

Mix cake mix as directed on box. Pour over nuts and coconut.

In a separate mixing bowl, beat together the cream cheese, butter, sugar and vanilla with a hand mixer on low to medium-low until well blended (add the sugar about a half cup at a time to prevent a powder explosion). This mixture will look like thick cheesecake batter.

Drop by spoonfuls over the chocolate cake batter, leaving at least a one-inch margin around the sides of the pan (this prevents the cheesecake from bubbling over).

Weave a butter knife in an s-pattern through the batter to create a swirl, but be sure not to disturb the nuts and coconut — keep the knife very shallow. Sprinkle with the dark chocolate chips.

Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. 

it's a go blue day

I love Mitch McGary. He's my favorite. I love his energy, his hustle, his spirit.  I love little Spike, Trey, Tim, and Robinson when he decides to play some D. I share in my husbands frustration when Stauskas most the time, but all in all they are a great group....a group that has done well and played hard. A group that will hopefully beat Syracuse and get to the championship game. Oh please, oh please, oh please.

I love everything about march madness. I love the upsets, that last shot that makes or breaks, and the overall energy of the tournament. I hate losing to my husband in our brackets. Ugh, defeat.

This year Jason and I were lucky enough to watch the first round in Detroit at the Palace. Stuffy nosed and not feeling the best we still ventured over to the East side and cheered on the boys. (Boys....I sometimes forget how young they are. What an amazing ride this must be for them...I can't even imagine.) Packed with so many fans that had traveled from near and far to support their teams the Palace was loud, and it was awesome. It was a first of firsts for me in two ways. It was my very first Michigan basketball game and tournament game experience.  I'm super thankful that we were able to check this one off the bucket list.

Jason will be heading down to Atlanta on Friday afternoon to watch the game at the Georgia Dome. Lucky guy is he, awesome wife am I. I'm pretty jealous, but his girls will hold down the fort and we'll be cheering loud from the couch.

It's a Go Blue day! Beat Syracuse.

Easter 2013

Easter came and went pretty quickly, but what a great day of celebration it was. Our pastor, Rod, gave an amazing sermon per usual. We saw numerous baptisms and child dedications which always bring me to tears and warm my heart, and had a great family dinner followed by an egg hunt and a Michigan W.

Pretty perfect day.

Happy Easter from the Kingmas

 

 2012 vs. 2013 - Growing so big!!

 

 

bread and wine

She's done it again. Absolutely captured my attention and speaks straight to my heart. Shauna Niequist's new book Bread and Wine (out April 15th) is wonderfully written. I love how she uses real life experience and is so easy to relate to. It's simple, truthful, and raw.

I've only just made a dent into the book, and I'm already offering a rave review. I had no doubt it would be just what I needed to read right now. God has a way of doing that for me...giving me something I need just when I need it.

The chapter that spoke to me the most last night was her chapter titled "Hungry." In a nutshell it's about her struggle with her self image and how it took her a very long time to embrace and admit that she was hungry...wanting to enjoy food and not have it dominate her life and betray her or make her feel ashamed that she wasn't a certain way...looked a certain way. With the joy of her first pregnancy she was able to let go and finally appreciate her body as her view of hunger shifted...which later gave her the opportunity to demonstrate grace and to make peace with imperfection when she looked in the mirror. (Page 36, Bread & Wine)

This chapter spoke to me because as a woman I believe that we always feel the pressure to be a certain way, act a certain way, react a certain way, and look a certain way. Mad when something doesn't fit the way we want, or when we step on the scale and it's not the number we want to see.
I admit I sometimes curse my closet and give the evil eye to that pair of pants that just don't quite fit post pregnancy. I promise myself I'll eat better, run longer, and give up mountain dew and pasta.

Then I read Chapter 3 of Bread & Wine and I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one. It's funny how that works. I keep reading and then there it is, the thing I've been needing to hear..

"I've lost the pounds and gained them, made and abandoned plans and promises, cried tears of frustration, pinched the back of my upper arms with hatred that scares me. And through it all, I've made friends, fallen in love, gotten married and become a mother. I've written and traveled and stayed up late with people I love. I've walked on the beach and in glittering city streets. I've kissed my baby's cheek's and danced with my husband and laughed until I cried with my best friends, and through all that it really didn't matter that I was heavier than I wanted to be."

Thank you Shauna, thank you.

boo to the moo

When in pain, go dairy free. Well, at least that's what I've been told for the past couple of months. Now April is here, and I made a promise to myself to try giving up the moo for a month. (When I say moo, I mean dairy. Just to clear that up.)

It's Day 2, and this is hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be. Who knew so many of the delicious things that I love included dairy. Well, maybe you did, but I didn't. I already miss my morning peach chobani, half and half in my iced coffee, and 2% on my rice crispies. I'm slowing making friends with soy milk. It's...well...interesting. 

Why dairy free? Simply, it's in an effort to aid this irritating bank pain that I've had for the past two years. Once upon a time three short months ago while visiting some dear friends in the state that harbors our sworn enemies, the buckeyes, I came down with a very bad case of strep throat. Bad enough that I was put on multiple medications, including the steroid, Prednisone. Oh what a magical drug Prednisone is. I understand now why I was only given 5 days worth of this miracle pill because I felt amazing. Being that it is an anti-inflammatory drug, my sore throat wasn't as sore, and neither was my back. No pain. None at all.

I didn't realize it until day 2 when I woke up feeling refreshed and I realized it was because I had slept..like really slept. On any other day I'd have woken up around 2am, having tears sting my eyes because of the amount pain I was feeling just by rolling over. It was not fun, and I was exhausted.
This magical anti-inflammatory drug was a saving grace that week. When the meds were gone, the pain slowly came back, and I knew it was time to take action.

I've had massage after massage trying to aid it. Aleve and Motrin can't touch it.After speaking with my massage therapist, she suggested that I simply try an anti-inflammatory diet to see if it helps at all. I laughed at first, but then went home and did some research. So here I am. Dairy free and praying that by some miracle I can find a way to alleviate pain.

If you're reading this, and you have suggestions please oh please, I'd love to hear them.

Stay tuned...

shine

 

 

 

Just a little thought to start of the weekend. I needed to find this today...I think the gray skies and bitter cold are getting to me and when that happens I know I'm not shining like I should, could, would if only the sun was out. But with Spring ahead of us I will be positive and look forward to the warm days of summer. I hate to blame the season for not always being the best version of me, but I believe this really is a huge factor. It effects my mood, sometimes my health, and most times my attitude.

 

I realize that I'm whining, so I'll stop and recognize that in the midst of my pouting I am still incredibly blessed and these blessings should never be taken for granted. I need to be the best version of me because He wills it so.

 

May this weekend bring you hope, and warmth, not only from the hints of sun peeking out from the gray clouds, but from the One that makes all things new.

 



we love Florida

Most say it's not about the destination, it's about the journey, and normally I'd agree...but this years journey to Florida was so ridiculous it became laughable.

We decided to fly out a day early to avoid the Chicago storm of the century, so we packed up and headed out at 630am. Made it to Chicago without delay, and got to our gate an hour early. "We're going to board you early" the nice man from AirTran announces over the loud speaker. Wonderful, what a nice little present they've given us. Well, that early boarding lead to a 45 min sit in your seat while we de-ice the plane, followed by an "I'm sorry you've been delayed, please de-board the plane now." 1 hour later we boarded the place for the second time to find out that someone on the cancelled flight behind our flight was now on our plane, but not on the manifest. We were carrying an unknown passenger. Ummmm how does this happen? So we sit. 30 more minutes go by and now some one's seat has busted and we've been informed it will now take an hour to get the mechanic to the plane. What? Frustrated, we de-board the plane a second time. As we enter the terminal we hear that out flight has now been cancelled due to weather. Saying a little prayer and trying not to lose my mind in front of my 17 month old I tell Jason to go to the ticket counter to try and rebook if possible. He leaves, I go back on the plane to get our carry ons and as I'm exiting the plane and heading to meet Jason I hear the now not nice man from the AirTran counter say "Passengers from AirTran flight 1629 please report back to your gate, your flight has been reinstated."

I drop everything I'm holding, may or may not have yelled an obscenity, and the just laughed to myself. This is ridiculous.

I call Jason to tell him that we're boarding again for the 3rd time starting in 15 minutes. We board. Ryleigh watches Bubble Guppies, and 2 hours and 45 minutes later we land in Fort Myers, FL. I love my parents. They took us to Chick-fil-a and had ice cold alcoholic beverages waiting. Our vacation had finally started.

With our journey down to Florida behind us, we could focus on the fun we were sure to have. We went to the beach, the pool, the outlets, the park, the zoo, and Ryleigh was in love with the warmer weather. I swear she'd live outside if we let her. She was happy as a clam walking around the house, picking up and throwing rocks, and digging in the sand at the beach. She was obsessed with this owl statue the neighbors had in the backyard. It was the first thing she wanted to see in the morning, and the last thing she wanted to see at night. Bizarre, and hilarious.

We had such a wonderful time, but like always the days pass too quickly and soon we were back at the airport praying that getting home would be cinch. Luckily the travel day was in our favor. We made it home with time to get organized for the week and get to bed on time.

We can't wait to go back next year:) We love you Nana & Papa and are so thankful for the QT we had with you!

a besties baby shower

It's funny how you talk about things when you're little and never really know if they'll come true, but in this case it has. A bestie of mine had a baby shower this past weekend, and what a wonderful time it was. I remember in middle school when we'd talk about a day like this, and 20 years later there we were. That's crazy. Two decades. What a true, and loyal friendship we have had and I thank God for her, and for this special blessing that is growing inside of her. With the birth of her daughter, my friend will fulfill what I believe she was truly meant to do. Being a mommy. With all of the love she has shown me, her husband, her family, and her friends, this little bundle of girl will be the luckiest.

I so wish my besties mom could be here with us to meet this beautiful miracle, but she'll know her Grandma through every ounce of love her mom will give her every single day.

We can't wait to meet you Cameron Jill.

rumi says

 

 

 

Pinterest led me to this gem the other day and I'm so thankful to have come across it. Do you know the pull she speaks of? Have you felt it before? Like really and truly felt it? I know I have, but I don't always think I admit it, and/or take full responsibility for it. After all I believe there are many tugs that we can feel, but there is one that I know to be so strong it brings tears to my eyes, and a tight but peaceful feeling in my chest. I know this tug because I know it's Him. It's God. Nudging me.

 

Sometimes I know exactly why I'm feeling this tug in a particular moment, but what I love best is when it happens and I'm blindsided by it. The overwhelming, wow I never knew I cared this much about whatever it is that is happening around me, to me, with me, to someone close to me....

 

It's a lesson, a gift, and sometimes it first seems like a curse. A curse because I don't always get answers when I want answers, but that could be the point. The answer could just be that I need to dig deeper and really invest in my relationship with Him and the stronger I find myself through Him the stronger I can be in my life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

 

I will let myself be silently drawn by the strange (and wonderful) pull or what I really love. I know He will not lead me astray.

 

she's the coolest

At 17 months Miss Ryleigh Anne has quite the personality. She really is the coolest little tot. She's sleeping through the night (sans ear infection) and she wakes up just like her mama. Not.well. Bath time is chat time, I swear she has an imaginary friend. She is addicted to blueberries, and M&M's. Every night after dinner it's the same song and dance..literally. Clothes off, music on, and she has been teaching me some very cool new dance moves. Her new favorite band is N'sync. Maybe tonight we'll work on "Bye Bye Bye."

She is a one woman wrecking ball. Flinging books around every room of our house is her new favorite pastime. She is a great workout partner, and is pretty enthusiastic when we are doing the 30 day shred. She only has 8 teeth, and loves orajel, and amoxicillin oddly enough.

She cracks me up, and has become quite the snuggler (which I love.) I can't wait to get her to the beach next week and see what she thinks about the sand and salt water. Here's praying she doesn't eat it:)

fri to the day

 

 

Color me bright and happy. It's FRIDAY. Chicago is calling. I anticipate the next 48 hours to be filled with laughs, drinks, sleeps, and good old fashioned story telling. May it bring you the freedom to rest, to refresh, and renew for the work week to come.

 

Happy weekend-ing everyone.

love sweet love

Jason and I agree that Valentine's day is a Hallmark holiday. Russell Stover chocolates are yucky, and flowers eventually die. We also agree that "celebrating" love one day a year is total crap. Yes, crap. I want him to know how much I love and appreciate him 365 days a year and vice versa.

I love love. I love the warm fuzzy feelings it brings. I love the strength and security it gives...the kisses, the cuddles, the belly laughs, the honest conversations, and the fruit it provides. Our hope as a couple is that through our love for each other (and Miss Ryleigh too) we are showing Gods love to others.

"To love another person, is to see the face of God." - Victor Hugo. I quoted this in a previous post, but it's so worth posting again because it rings so loudly and true.

Jason loves me with an unconditional and forgiving love that I know I deserve, and that I am so thankful for. This love has changed me.

Happy Love Day!

chewing on this

 

 

As one day bleeds into the other there comes a need to say no. To stand still, and not spread ourselves so thin. There's that saying...you can't be everything to everyone, and you can't be in two places at once...but don't you sometimes wish you could be?

Weekends aren't long enough, and most times it doesn't seem that there are enough hours in each day. Planning and anticipation lately have seemed to provide anxiety...then I came across the quote above and I'm really chewing on it. I continually pray for perspective, and here it is. Oh, He is good.

 

I know what my priorities are thank you very much, the question remains...am I being courageous and nonapologetic when I say no to the smaller things that I know waste my time and giving my priorities my all? Or am I getting caught up in the things that don't/won't matter down the road?

 

I'm right in the middle, but the middle isn't where I want to be.

Chewing, and reflecting.

 

What about you?

 

 

 



it really is

Jason's cuddles before the alarm buzzes. Ryleigh's sleepy little smile first thing in the morning. The rush of caffeine after that first cup of coffee. The sun peaking out behind the gray that is February. Counting down the days until we're in Florida and anticipating Ryleigh's reaction to the sand between her chubby toes. Birthday toasts to come this Saturday, and banana cream pie. All of these small, but very wonderful things are what is making my world wonderful. May you find the time to slow down this weekend and find out what makes you smile, and not take it for granted.

30, I welcome you

Well, today is the day. I'm 30, and I'm incredibly happy about it! I welcome 30, and I know that the best years are in front of me.

My 20's were...well, questionable on many occasions, but isn't that what your 20's are for?!? I loved, I lost, I worked, I schooled, I moved, I cried, I traveled, I fought, I fell in love (the all consuming, inconvenient, can't live without each other love that Carrie Bradshaw talks about), I drank, I laughed (that really good, deep belly laugh), I prayed, I got engaged, I got married, I gave birth, and through it all I found myself.

Well, wait, I believe I will always be on the never ending journey of finding myself, but I absolutely know who I am better than I ever have right now. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am beautiful because my husband makes me feel beautiful, every day, all of the time.... being a mom to our Ryleigh is the best part of me, and God loves me even though I have one million flaws. Life is good.

After reading this little bit of perspective from this blog I follow called the minimalists I have to agree with more than a couple of them and I've written my own take on the subjects below.

2. Love isn't enough - I totally agree with him on this...the action we take to show others that we love them is crucial. A quote from the amazing Les Miserables says it best "To love another person is to see the face of God." ~Victor Hugo

7. Health is more important than most of us treat it -   yes, what he said. From my previous post about running...I know that I need to do this. I need to respect my body more.  Not only for myself, but for my family. I know they want me around for a long time, and time is flying by. I am taking control. I still don't like running, but we're getting along, civil even. I'll let you know when I'm smitten.

11. Relationships matter - I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. From family to my dear forever friends, I value all of you. Each relationship I've had in my life (positive or negative...long or short) has shaped me, and I'm so thankful and better for them. Investing in relationships is very important to me no matter where I am in life. I hope I make the people I love feel it. I hope they know my heart, and see my sincere intention.

16. I am not the center of the universe - ah, so it's true. I am not. In my 20's this rang true...so loudly that I made so many bad decisions. Selfish decisions. Rash decisions. When I met Jason, and was shown first hand how perfect and unconditional love felt, it changed me. It was no longer about me. When Ryleigh was born that love intensified times...well everything. My perspective has shifted. It had to shift...needed to shift.

19. We are often scared for no reason - well, I am a worrier of sorts. Not about everything, just things I can't control...which I guess means just about everything. Funny how that works. I am also a planner, and I believe this is the culprit in most situations. I am not in control. He is. All I need is a hug from Jason, and a small reminder that "everything is going to be ok" because it usually is.

27. Openness is just as important as honesty- Openness is more complicated than honesty. Openness involves being honest, while painting an accurate picture, shooting straight, not misleading other people, and being real. Openness is far more subjective, and you have to be honest with yourself before you can be open with others. This doesn’t mean that you must put your entire life on display. Some things are private, and that’s OK too. - Agreed with a capital A!  The subjectivity of it is very real, and I've come to realize I can only say what I need/want to say, and that's all I can do.

30. I'm still trying to figure it all out - I would never claim to have it all figured out, and anyone that does is just lying. Truth, although I am a planner, I love spontaneity. The unknown is scary, but I have experience with scary. I have experience with so many things, I just need to continue changing my perspective.

There you  have it. I welcome 30 and I am excited to see what challenges lie ahead. I've got my big girl pants on...lets go.

when God closes one door....

...he most certainly opens another. I know God has a plan for me, and for my family. I try so very hard to be patient and remind myself that his timing is and will always be perfect. I try not to question. Try being the key word in all of the above sentences.

A happy Monday it was not. Jason and I found out that Ryleigh's daycare is going to be shutting down as of March 1st. I was caught off guard, and it took me most the night to process the information. Shock was first, then confusion, and finally irritation set in. Thing is, once I went through all of these emotions and got out of my own selfish way, I felt awful because in the end it's about the care Ryleigh is given. I can't begin to express my appreciation for the women that care for her each day. They are patient, kind, forgiving, and all around wonderful. I know that when I am unable to be with her during my work day, that she is safe, she is being challenged and loved.

After a bit of scrambling we've found a new daycare home for her. When we return from our trip to visit my parents in Florida she'll start part time at a place very close to our house (and close to work) and we're incredibly at peace with everything that is to come. Now, having said that...she'll be part time....so she'll also be enrolled at daddy daycare. Jason will be watching her 3 days a week. Boy are we so glad that he works from home now!! This is a true blessing during this transition. Once April comes roaring in Ry will go back full time, and I'm sure she'll be ready. The socialization and stimulation are so welcome. She loves other kids! She's little miss social and is constantly on the go. She's a sponge and it's so amazing how fast she is learning so many new things. She's growing up too fast that's for sure.

So, with a heavy heart we'll leave the family we've been a part of for the past 13 months and start the next adventure with a positive attitude.

We are so grateful, and blessed to have had the women from Children's Garden care for our Ryleigh. Thank you for the bottom of our hearts, and well wishes to you all.

weekend nugget

 

Go ahead and take time off from your self-doubt for the weekend. May the break be so freeing that you decide to make it permanent.

This little nugget is something I saw on chatting at the sky and I just love her thought provoking weekending posts. I read this and thought, what a complicated thing to put into such a small sentence. I wanted her to say more, but why? I don't want to think about the self-doubt that I have....I want to take her advice and free myself from it. So that's what I intend to do this weekend, and every weekend after. After all, I'm only the pencil to the writer of this story. Relinquishing control is that other part I need to work on:)

Happy Weekending Everyone. I hope that even through the gray of the day, you can imagine the sun on your face and smile because instead of feeling the actual warmth on your skin, you can feel it in your heart.

thinking and thinking some more

Finding a quiet space, reading...I mean really reading...and re-reading and thinking, and gaining perspective is one of my favorite things about investing in other blogs. Blogs by men, or women, or moms, or singles, or christians, or dog lovers, of food lovers, or or whatever else there is out there...there's always something I come across that seems to stick in my head. I'm either grateful for it because it's made me think of ways I can improve myself and the way I'm living my life, or irritated that I read it because it's something I can't wrap my mind around.

Recently there have been a couple of posts by blogs I loyally follow that have me in a tizzy. The post either stikes a cord and I can completely relate, or I read something like the insert below and I can't seem to stop thinking about discontentment and where this may have a place in my present right now.

I love reading Annie Blogs. She's funny, down to earth, hilarious, and every post reads very real to me. She recently wrote a post on this book  (Beyond Ordinary) and 1. I want to read the book,  2. the insert below is what I've had stuck in my head over the past couple of days.

“Discontentment always pushes us to compare what we have to what someone else already has. But comparison is never about the person we are comparing ourselves too but rather it’s about the condition of our heart. Discontentment leads to entitlement, which sets the tone that when people fail to meet our expectations we are owed even more.

That's a mouthful isn't it?

Of course I can only speak for myself here, so I have to admit that any or every comparison that I make absolutely has to do with where I'm at and what I'm happy about or not happy about. What I have or what I don't, and it has nothing to do with whatever I've chosen to fixate on. I have been asking myself where my heart is at...and I feel that even when things aren't just as I feel they should be, I need to remember that it's not my plan in the making, it's His, and they are perfect for where I am in life right now. I am so quick to look past what's in front of me that I take for granted everything that I need to be thankful for.

The second part is what scares me. Expectations are a stinker. Even when we go on and on and on about how we don't have them (we do, just admit it) so this is when things can get messy. I know I have expectations, mainly for the way I'm treated by others around me. Whether you're a stranger or someone I've know for more than a decade. Golden rule: Treat others how you want to be treated. It's simple, easy to understand, and completely doable. Now, having said that, I am not perfect and I sometimes mess up and not so tolerable Courtney escapes, so I take full responsibility. That's just a smallish example for you to chew on. I guess in the grand scheme of things I don't ever want to feel that I'm owed anything. I want to put good out into the universe and hopefully it'll all come around and keep going around not just for me, but for everyone around me.So, I think all I can do is just keep this small insight in my back pocket and dust it off whenever that sneaky little expectation rears it's ugly head.

Slowing down. Appreciating the blessings, big and small, or maybe not even placing them into a box of any size. Remaining thankful. Being better than the day before, and using every bit of breathing room I have make sure I can continue doing all of the above.

running and I almost like it

If you are annoyed by my instagram posts about making good life choices, it seems as though I really am!! I figured it was a fun way to keep motivated, and hold myself accountable. Yes, I am running. I know I know....when and how did all of this come about, well I made a promise to myself on Dec 28th that I was HONESTLY and fiercely going to do something about this baby weight. Ryleigh is way past 1 and I'm still hanging on to more than I should be. The free for all of unhealthy eating is done, and I'm trying my hardest to stay on the right track.

Running is something I've never, ever, ever, liked doing. I got bored. I couldn't breathe, and I just wasn't motivated. But now, after making myself get out there and do it, I don't hate it. I still don't like it...but maybe that'll change. We are still getting to know each other...this running and I. So the next couple of dates with the sidewalk may or may not tell me if we're in this for the long haul. I'll get back to you on that.

The goal right now is to run for a good amount of time without stopping to walk. Now, this might be a laughable goal to some of you, but honestly, it's awesome when I can make it back to the house with this awesome sense of accomplishment...high five myself  (I do this, but it looks awkward) and head inside to get a hug from my biggest and littlest fans. I've done it enough times that I'm confident that I can continue to run without stopping for as far as I want, just depends on my pace. So a run or 2 ago I started to use the mapmyrun app just to see how long it was really taking me when I went  however far I felt like going that day and to my amazement I was actually running faster than I thought. Bonus!

Now, January is really a very silly time to decide to do this. 19 degrees was my coldest run, and I couldn't feel my legs after the first mile. Quite honestly, I think it might have helped me continue.
Regardless, I give myself props for getting out there in the winter. It's NOT very fun, and it's definitely not easy, but when I get out of a hot shower I feel pretty darn good about what I've done.

I've got some help from the sis in law and our cousin who have decided to join me in the instagram accountability group...so fun to encourage one another and get that cyber high five from them!

Taking on the treadmill tonight...instagram pic to come..

16 Months and growing...

My little girl is the funniest, most strong willed, tiny human that I know. I'm biased ofcourse.She makes my life so much brighter and this journey just keeps getting better and better.

 

Right now we're in the phase of...running everywhere, forget walking. That takes too long! Opening and closing doors. She's a pro and we haven't caught any fingers just yet. I do have some Hello Kitty band aids and a first aid kit waiting just in case. My favorite word she says is "peeeeeeas" which translated means "please". She always says it with such enthusiasm because she now realizes that this gets her what she wants...well...99% of the time.

For our dancing entertainment we have moved on from Gangnam Style to Domino by Jessie J (Thank goodness, I wasn't sure how much more I could take of that ridiculous song.) Ry loves all carbs. She is her mothers daughter. Bread could be a basic food group. I know I know, that sounds horrible, and I promise Jason and I try everything possible to get those fruits, veggies, and protein into her little body, but often times fail until her after dinner snack. Don't judge me.

I am going to blame daycare for this new little tantrum trick she has perfected... throwing her body to the floor while crying louder and louder the more "no's" she hears. I may or may not have had to go lock myself in the bathroom for a minute to pray and get myself together. The crying and whining is a true test to our patience as parents.

She loves keys, shirtless after dinner strolls with her baby stroller, brushing her teeth, and yelling at us like a little dictator "Nana, Nana" which in Ryleigh world means "Get me a banana now!" Now meaning like 5 minutes ago. Oh I love her.

Jason and I can sing the Little Einstein's intro song in our sleep, and read Goodnight Moon with our eyes closed.

Our little family makes my heart smile more than I ever thought it could. Being a parent and a wife is incredibly humbling. As I write this I'm reminded of the beauty in the unplanned and ability to learn from everything put in front of me.

Looking forward to whatever comes next, with a thankful heart, and an open mind....