terrible twos : blessing and a curse

Sometimes I feel like everyone is always looking for the next best thing. When you get into your dream school people ask what you want to do with your life...when you meet "the one" people ask when you think you'll get engaged...when you get married they ask when you'll have your first child...and sometimes they even ask when you think you'll have your second child...even when you're holding your newborn... in the hospital not 24 hours after they've arrived...silly, but insanely true. 

Why are we always in such a rush? Why can't we just enjoy the moment and the moments to come after each big step we take into life? 

I ask these questions because I'm in a period of reflection right now. I'm trying to enjoy this phase in life and sometimes it's hard because I find myself wishing for a new day, or a new phase, or a new...well anything when it comes to dealing with my toddler. The terrible twos are in full force in our house and it's an unstoppable force that neither Jason and I were prepared for. I know we aren't the only couple to ever have a two year old so I know I'm not special in this, but whining and writing about it is therapeutic, so here I am. 

I'm not going to write a post about every present day shenanigan, but I will admit I've failed as a parent more times than I'd like to admit within the past month. I've failed Ryleigh, and I've failed myself. I've cried, and I've yelled. I've hidden in the bathroom, and after she's in bed I've had many a ounce of sauvignon blanc. I've read blogs, read books, and listened to parents and friends, prayed endlessly...devouring answers to keep control of myself and be the best mom I can be. 

I will say that in the midst of all the chaos, hiding, reading, and mounts of frustration there have been many blessings too. I am learning so much more about myself than I have ever wanted to. My insecurities as a woman, wife, and mom are shoved in my face daily, but instead of defeat, I feel accomplishment in the small things. Remaining calm when Ryleigh is in a mess on the floor carrying on because she wanted her milk in a specific color cup, or she wants to wear the popsicle jammies instead of the elephants. Keeping a smile on my face (and words in my mouth) when I've heard "I do it all myself mom" for the 15th time, or picked up the last of the raisins she's chucked on the floor in retaliation of bath time. In all of these moments, I see the blessing that she is because she's a little bit of Jason, and she's a lot of me, and it's beautiful as much as its frustrating. She's this amazingly curious little person that is just bursting at the seams to know what this world is all about...what it has to offer...and all she wants to do is be a part of it all. 

Along with the bad, comes the best parts of what this parenting gig is all about. It's hard, and I'm know it will get harder with each added birthday candle, but I'll keep on learning, smiling, hiding, praying, reading, and enjoying every single minute. After all, she's only two once. 

Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart.