spring cleaning

Spring is often a time when people clean house. Literally. For me this spring has been about cleaning house, but not in the filling up the donation boxes or dusting the cobwebs kind of way (although these are on the to-do list). It's been more about life balance and peace of mind. 

When Jason and I first found out we were pregnant with Ryleigh we had many talks about how our do what we want when we want life as a twosome would be altered and how we thought we'd handle it. (I laugh now because most every conversation was pretty rose colored and sunshiney...naive at best) Some days I felt like everything would change and I'd be on the verge of a emotional breakdown, and other days I felt that it'd be easy just to bring her wherever, whenever we wanted. Well, I'll tell you honestly it's been 50/50. It depends on the day, on her attitude, and on our patience level most times. 

With that said, we've prided ourselves on really focusing on Ryleigh adding joy to our life and not altering it as I'd originally thought while she was rolling around in my belly. We want to do the things we would normally do with the addition of this vibrant, very opinionated, and silly personality that is Ryleigh bug. I admit not all phases have been my favorite (14-18 months being the least) but the phase she's in now is the best by far. She narrates the world with such an innocent perspective, and I'm pretty jealous most times. She's stubborn, defiant, and way too smart for someone who has only been on this earth for 2.5 years. 

Before I get too off topic with a rambling post about how awesome she is I better get back to the point...cleaning house. I've been trying to ask myself tough questions this spring. Am I raising a good, God-fearing child? Am I pouring into my marriage as much as I should? Am I being the best I can be while I'm at work? Am I being intentional about family? Am I being the kind of friend I need to be to those I call friends? Am I pursuing the God that gives me grace daily? Am I doing all that I can, to be all that I can for everyone I love? 

I'm a constant work in progress, and I find that the idea of balance is the first thing on my mind when my feet hit the floor in the morning. Balance in that it's ok not to be at the top of my game ALL the time. That it's ok to be honest that life isn't pretty all the time like instagram can make it seem. That it's ok to enter a time of the unknown and be hopeful instead of having all of the answers. I need to let myself off the hook more than I have been or else the devil can sneak in and let chaos ensue. I need to forgive myself as he forgives me. I need to count on Him and look to Him when these questions consume me. After all, He is the only one that knows my true heart, and with that comes peace of mind. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. - Matthew 6: 33-34