things I pray you'll be

In my 31 years on this earth I've done a lot. I've tested boundaries, pushed myself outside my comfort zone, and cried my way through some pretty tough times. I've loved and lost, laughed and screamed, been the crazy one, the entitled one,  the lonely one, and at times the happiest one. In all of that beautiful messiness I came through it better than the day before. 

There are a long list of things I want Ryleigh to experience and learn from just as I have, and there are so  many things I pray that she'll be/do having come out the other side of every situation good or bad. 

I pray that she'll accept when she's wrong, and take accountability for her actions. 

I pray that she'll seek out and befriend the child in the corner when no one else is noticing. 

I pray that she'll speak her mind in a courteous and respectful way to those around her. 

I pray that she'll dream big, bigger, biggest. 

I pray that she'll never stop learning about the world around her and all God has to offer. 

I pray that she'll  grow in her relationship with God, and know His love for her is unfailing.

I pray that she'll not concern herself with the material things of this life. 

I pray that she'll find her own path, and know that we will support her through it. 

I pray that she'll come through adversity with a strength that endures long after each trial. 

I pray that she'll forgive easily as God forgives. 

I pray that she'll fall in love and experience the love I feel everyday in my marriage. 

I pray that one day she'll have and love a child and come to understand just how much I love her. 

As for me...

I pray I have the strength as her mom to help guide her in the way God would have her go. Many roads in life are bumpy, with twists and turns, and oftentimes dead ends, but I know that with God's faithfulness, our encouragement, and her sweet heart, we can navigate the way together making it one heck of a ride. 

spring cleaning

Spring is often a time when people clean house. Literally. For me this spring has been about cleaning house, but not in the filling up the donation boxes or dusting the cobwebs kind of way (although these are on the to-do list). It's been more about life balance and peace of mind. 

When Jason and I first found out we were pregnant with Ryleigh we had many talks about how our do what we want when we want life as a twosome would be altered and how we thought we'd handle it. (I laugh now because most every conversation was pretty rose colored and sunshiney...naive at best) Some days I felt like everything would change and I'd be on the verge of a emotional breakdown, and other days I felt that it'd be easy just to bring her wherever, whenever we wanted. Well, I'll tell you honestly it's been 50/50. It depends on the day, on her attitude, and on our patience level most times. 

With that said, we've prided ourselves on really focusing on Ryleigh adding joy to our life and not altering it as I'd originally thought while she was rolling around in my belly. We want to do the things we would normally do with the addition of this vibrant, very opinionated, and silly personality that is Ryleigh bug. I admit not all phases have been my favorite (14-18 months being the least) but the phase she's in now is the best by far. She narrates the world with such an innocent perspective, and I'm pretty jealous most times. She's stubborn, defiant, and way too smart for someone who has only been on this earth for 2.5 years. 

Before I get too off topic with a rambling post about how awesome she is I better get back to the point...cleaning house. I've been trying to ask myself tough questions this spring. Am I raising a good, God-fearing child? Am I pouring into my marriage as much as I should? Am I being the best I can be while I'm at work? Am I being intentional about family? Am I being the kind of friend I need to be to those I call friends? Am I pursuing the God that gives me grace daily? Am I doing all that I can, to be all that I can for everyone I love? 

I'm a constant work in progress, and I find that the idea of balance is the first thing on my mind when my feet hit the floor in the morning. Balance in that it's ok not to be at the top of my game ALL the time. That it's ok to be honest that life isn't pretty all the time like instagram can make it seem. That it's ok to enter a time of the unknown and be hopeful instead of having all of the answers. I need to let myself off the hook more than I have been or else the devil can sneak in and let chaos ensue. I need to forgive myself as he forgives me. I need to count on Him and look to Him when these questions consume me. After all, He is the only one that knows my true heart, and with that comes peace of mind. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. - Matthew 6: 33-34