in your face truth...I like it!

This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull of the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted. Your life, right now, today, is exploding with energy and power and detail and dimension, better than the best movie you have ever seen. You and your family and your friends and your house and your dinner table and your garage have all the makings of a life of epic proportions, a story for the ages. Because they all are. Every life is. You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending, and beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you, the true culmination of super and natural.
 
You are more than dust and bones.
You are spirit and power and image of God.
And you have been given Today. 

~Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines 

change is beautiful

Chicago, it's been a pleasure! 

God does his work in mysterious ways, and the last week has been beautiful proof of that! Jason was offered and has accepted a new job and in a whirlwind it's been decided that we'll be saying so long to Chicago and heading to Grand Rapids, MI. We're very excited and can't wait to set roots down back home close to family and friends...but we are sad to say goodbye to the city we've both fallen in love with, and most importantly the community of people we have surrounded ourselves with these past 2 years. 

Jason will be heading to Michigan and starting his new job on June 7th and I'll be living out my lease until the end of August, so once again we'll be cities apart and racking up our mobile minutes and hitting the pavement during the weekends. We've done long distance before, and we can do it again! As different as it will be, we'll be able to focus on ourselves for awhile, and we both know that's important as we get closer and closer to October 30! Being apart will make being together that much more special:) 

So please say a prayer for Jason that he has a smooth transition! I am so proud of him, and so excited for him and this new opportunity! He's going to be amazing! 

Lil'pink reminders

Thank you kind over matter!

Left of Right?

Well, this is an obvious choice... is it not? Of course we like to think of ourselves as anything but average...and we partake in the things we do so that we create memories.Well, I guess I can't speak for everyone, so I wont. I choose to do the things I do because I want to feel alive. I want to remember how I felt...I try to remember the details...if I'm with someone, I want to see how they feel. Are we feeding off each other...is it positive, or negative, or do I just simply feel indifferent? If I'm somewhere new, I want to take in all of my surroundings...the sights, the sounds...how something tastes if it's the first time I've tried it. There are so many things I know I take for granted and as the days pass (sometimes seeming to pass so slowly) I realize that the months are flying by. I appreciate time. I am sorry that I've often wished it away...especially if I'm looking forward to something.

I have to continue to remind myself that everyday is a gift. I don't always live that way. I know I need to try harder to just be in the present and make the most of it. Otherwise I am being average aren't I?

it's just that simple

Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.

By the definition above, you can see that this specific post isn't coming from a happy place...but from a very confused one. Of course I will not sit here and say I've never been selfish. I have. Many times. More than I'd like to admit or remember. However, I would like to say that as I grow older and learn more about myself, and the people that I love and care about, that I am capable of taking a step back and looking at each situation...and while acknowledging my own feelings, also taking others into consideration and acting accordingly. Many times I need to lower my expectations, or in some instances raise them. I continue to try putting myself in the other persons shoes instead of just seeing things from my size 7 and 1/2. Each person is unique. Each person has their own opinion and attitude about certain things so with the knowledge I have about the situation and the person I can enter with an open mind, and with honesty, and kindness...I listen, and interact. 

Sometimes, people surprise you, but sometimes it is not in a positive way. It's disheartening when you feel that you aren't being heard, or given the same respect that you are trying to show the other person. I understand that no everyone will feel the same way I do, I actually welcome that in most cases as I myself like to play the devils advocate. But sometimes you have to see past "your own selfishness" to show kindness and love. 

Some people, just don't get it. Either they are oblivious, or are choosing to be selfish. Plain and simple. They put on a good show with smoke and mirrors, but we all know in the end it's fake...pretend...part of a beautifully crafted magic trick.

Treat people how you want to be treated. Listen to people how you want to me listened to. Talk to people how you want to be talked to. Love people how you want to be loved. That's what my mom always taught me! It's that simple. 

Happy Tears

It's Sunday night and I'm sitting on my couch, cuddled up in the blanket my mom made me for my birthday last year, eating pita chips and hummus...and I look down at my shirt which is now drenched as huge tear drops are sliding down my cheeks. I am watching Extreme Home Makeover and bawling like a baby! Now, this should come as no surprise...I cry at every episode, but this one in particular just tugged so hard at my heart strings. I mean, I started to laugh at myself because I was crying so hard! (I'm glad I was alone! haha)

The youngest member of the Williams' family, Jacob, has a disease that causes paralysis from the waist down. The father of the family, Jeremy, was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease two years ago but he has not let the disease slow him down. He coaches a high school football team to a perfect 11-0 season. The Tuohy family (from the Blindside movie) came along to help out! They built the family a beautiful new home, and re-did the locker room for his football team and when they first saw it they were welcomed by a couple of NFL players! Then they showed them their new house and let them know that they had paid off all of their medical bills thanks to help from CVS Pharmacy and paid the mortgage in full so that they wouldn't have the burden of bills. 

I love this show for many reasons, but the main reason being that they show how strong families are when facing hardship. Families that stick together and keep a positive outlook. True love, and gratitude just make my heart melt! It quite honestly puts so many things into perspective and really makes you appreciate what you have. Being healthy is a blessing. Having family is a blessing, and knowing that there are people out there willing to go that extra mile for someone they don't know, is heart warming. So, thank you ABC! :)

Love & Respect

"Each of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5: 33

Last night, Jason and I opened the book "Love & Respect" and started reading. We listened to one another, laughed with one another, and talked about the chapters that we read in all seriousness. This book is enlightening. It speaks so much truth, and I'm sure the further we get into the book, the more serious our talks will get. We want it that way, and we look forward to learning more about ourselves and how to love and respect each other in our marriage. Women and men are very different creatures and the amount of information being given to us in this book helps us to understand each of our most important needs. Women need and want Love. Men need and want Respect...so learning, and knowing how to give the other person what they need is crucial to having open, clear, and honest communication. In scripture it's written in Ephesians 5:33...we need to do these things for one another unconditionally...no strings attached!

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!

Mom,

I'm so happy that we were able to spend time together this Mother's Day! Even though it only comes around once a year, I hope that you know I celebrate you daily! Thank you for taking care of me, teaching me, watching me, listening to me, trusting me, being there for me, and most of all, loving me! I can only hope to be as great of a mom to my children someday! 

All my love always,

Courtney marie

song of the day

The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I had my coffee in hand. I put my music on shuffle and this song started my day. It made me emotional. It made me think. Most of all, it made me smile. How amazing life is...and how amazing it is that God is everywhere, and in everything. Like the song says..."how much more proof do we need?"

a spoon full of sugar...

Just how short is my fuse? Do I even have a fuse? Some days I am not entirely sure. I take deep breathes, regroup, and say to myself..."get it together Court, it's not a big deal!" Basically, I'm admitting to sweating the small stuff. The smallest stuff. The things I can't control. The things I'll never be able to control. The Lord only knows why I'd even want any kind of control....but here I am. 

Maybe it's a day where nothing seems to go right, and by right I mean the way I wanted it to go. Do I need to readjust my expectations? Of myself? Of other people? Of every situation? Most times I'd like to believe that the people I come into contact with or the situations I find myself in will adhere to my interpretation of what is acceptable...but that's me dreaming out loud. We are who we are, and with effort we can bend, but at the end of the day we just have to try to be the best we can, and a lot of times I fall short, even when I have the best of intentions.

I know sometimes I need to get out of my own way. I know I need to get rid of the pessimistic attitude I know lives in a dark part of me. Sometimes it comes out to play and crashes the party without even an invite. So what is the best thing to do...

Recently, I have found that giving thanks, being kind (even when I feel I can't), and counting every blessing in my life are the many spoons full of sugar that I need to get the dimpled smile back on my face!

I am a woman of God. I am marrying the man of my dreams. My family is amazing. My friends are beautiful. I have a job. I have a roof over my head, and enough money to keep Starbucks in business. Life is good!

Once in a lifetime...

Of all places I found this on facebook and had to share! 

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Jason, I am blessed to love you, and can't wait to start our life together!!! 

 

love this thought

The Christian faith is a practical faith. God employs experience in order to teach us, to develop our abilities. And even then, He is more interested in the interaction He has with us in the process than He is in teaching us anything at all. God is not our boss, He is our Father. The whole world is an educational playground God is using to bring you toward perfection, to raise you as His own child. - Donald Miller 

The Perfect Weekend

Cindy's shower, Jenn's surprise Grad Party, wedding dress shopping, and having all the girls together again makes for a perfect weekend!!! Cindy's shower was a huge success, and Jenn cried tears of joy when we surprised her at the Wine Loft! We're so happy and excited for Cindy to start her life with Michael. I can't believe it's just 2 months away!!! I'm so thrilled for Jenn, and she gave me good news that she'll be my neighbor soon!!!! Chicago, watch out! 

Sunday we headed to the dress shop...it was better than anything I'd ever imagined it could be. My mom did good, no tears, just BIG smiles! Everyone was wonderful, and I did find THE DRESS! It's my dream dress...and I can't wait for everyone to see it! (I'll write more about this on our wedding blog...we're still doing some fine tuning on that...so stay tuned!) 

I love you mom, and girls you are my sisters, my family, and I could not live this life without each and every one of you!!! 

I love the 80's

I loved growing up in the 80's! Now, I know that the toys back then aren't as "high tech" as most of what there is now, but I remember playing in the sandbox with the tonka trucks (I was a bit of a tom boy) and then entertaining myself for hours and hours as I was building my own city with Lincoln Logs in my Grandparents basement. I'd throw in some Lego's here and there and when I'd get bored with that I'd go play with my chemistry set. I am sure I made my mom very nervous a couple of times...ok, who in their right mind thought that was a good idea? Really..children playing with chemicals...I think I might have been 9 or 10, ...I remember making something like sparklers, and yes, actually making sure they worked by lighting them on fire...oh boy! If I wasn't busy attempting to burn the down the kitchen, I was playing Nintendo, trying to beat the 8th level (I think that was the highest one) with Luigi. I liked him better than Mario. When I'd get bored with that I'd head to my Rainbow Bright room and read one of my many Babysitter's Club books! Wow, so many great memories! 

Now there's Wii, and Xbox, and tons and tons of electronic games...don't get me wrong these are fun too (especially Wii, I love that you can make one that looks just like you) but I have to say that I'm glad we grew up with what we had...and I love reminiscing...kind of makes me feel REALLY old!!!

What was your favorite toy?

the next generation

First came love, then came marriage, and now the babies are here or on the way! Jason and I made our way to Indy to visit Jess & Kris who are due to have their twin boys in August! Jess looks beautiful, Kris can't stop smiling, and the babies are healthy and things are right on track! We were also so happy we got the chance to see my pretty Greta! She's going to be heading to Fiji in May for involvement in the peace corp. She'll be working with children over there, and they are going to be so lucky to have her! She has a huge heart and can't wait to make a difference!!! Just this past weekend we met Miss Brooklyn Bohms, and cutie pie Reese Matzka! Aunt Courtney loves them both so much, and I think Uncle Jason was just as smitten! Everyone is happy, healthy, and the new baby adventures have just begun! We're so happy for all of you!!!

obsessed with live music

Last night Jason, Rachel, and I went to see Dave Barnes @ Lincoln Hall. It was amazing! I didn't realize how close I lived to this great venue, and I will definitely be keeping my eye out for more Sunday night concerts! It was a great ending to a very productive and busy weekend! Andrew Ripp opened for him, and he's incredibly talented too. (I bought both of their cd's and have been listening to them on repeat all day!) Dave played "God gave me you" and I was VERY happy! He also played this song called "Home" and it tugged at every last one of my heart strings...it was about family and friends...we never know what tomorrow holds, so appreciating the people in our lives and letting them know how much we love them is so important! 

"Home" 

Your voices swirl and welcome me,
Hem me in, make me see.
That we are all familiar now,
We're in each others blood somehow.

I will never be a stranger,
I will never be alone.
Cause wherever you are is home.

So raise a glass and gather round,
Toast the night and friendships found.
And I'll lay to rest my troubled face,
And breathe deep this amazing grace.

I will never be a stranger,
I will never be alone.
Cause wherever you are is home.

Sometime soon this road may part,
Mine may end where yours starts.
But should you ever need me,
You know right where I will be.

You will never be a stranger,
You will never be alone.
Cause wherever we are is home.

yellow or blue?

Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.  ~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

All the places we will go...

(Heading to Indy...driving down Lakeshore Drive last weekend!)

The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience.  The tourist is passive; he expects interesting things to happen to him.  He goes "sight-seeing."  ~Daniel J. Boorstin

We experienced the calm before the storm in March...April blew in and the traveling has just begun. I found the above quote and thought it fit perfectly for the upcoming months...Jason and I will be traveling A LOT...and everywhere we go, and everything we do will create memories that will last a lifetime. Especially when we will be creating these memories with the people we love so dearly. 

Last weekend we were in Indy....this weekend Kalamazoo....and Atlanta, and Hawaii are on the horizon! 

I also think, one of the best parts of the trips we make are the conversations that Jason and I share. We laugh a lot, share comfortable silences, and always find ways to learn more about each other...we're making our own amazing race! 

Swan or Shark??

Jason and I finally watched "Up In the Air" the other night and as depressing as it was, I loved it! I loved the snarky commentary, the storyline, and most of all being able to stare at George Clooney through all of it! For those of you who have not seen the movie, I won't throw out any spoilers...but there was one huge part that I thought was so spot on....it was in one of the first scenes where George's character speaks at a seminar...

"How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks." ~Ryan Bingham

I ask myself...am I a swan, or a shark? ...maybe a little bit of both? I love and value the many relationships I have in my life. I love the arguments, and the compromises. I love the predictability, or spontaneity each can bring. I love the laughing, and crying, and being able to depend on others and love being depended on. So, if this makes me "move slower" then so be it!

What about you?

Goosebumps

It's Easter Sunday, and I'm sitting with Jason and his family in the second row waiting for the service to begin. People are filing in, everyone is hugging, talking, smiling, and most of all celebrating! I love Crossroads. It's humble, real, and honest. Everyone is so friendly, and despite the fact that it's held in an elementary school gymnasium, it's members make it larger than life. 

I can't help but feel this huge calm come over me every time we attend a service and this visit was no exception. With the holiday being Easter, it brings with it lots of Easter dresses! There were kids everywhere and the little girls were all dressed to impress. Purples, pinks, yellows, and every other color of the rainbow was out in full force and they were all so adorable!!

The worship began, and we sang our hearts out. Like every time before I feel the goosebumps start to rise on my skin. The music, the people, the love, and the energy are electric, and contagious. In the middle of the second song, I close my eyes and say a little prayer of thanks for all that God has done. When I open my eyes, I look over to the left and in the very front row I see a young father and his little girl. I'd have to guess she was just shy of 2 years old, with fiery red hair, and she was decked out in the most adorable little purple dress and shiny white patent leather shoes. Just as I looked at her, she turned my way and looked right back at me and smiled this huge cheeky smile, and of course I couldn't help but smile back. I continued to sing and just before the song ended I look back over at this little angel and when I do, there she is, standing her small 2 feet tall and has her tiny little right arm raised to God, reaching as high as she can. My heart just leaps. I am so overcome by the sight of this that I start to cry. Tears of joy. 

Now, I know she's very young, and maybe she didn't know what she was doing, but I'd like to think that God was working in that room, with her, and with everyone else that was there to worship and thank him. Goosebumps are the best part...the tugging of my heart strings never gets old.